Dear Reader,
Let’s be honest, as mothers, you can bet that 99% of the time, we are a hot mess.
*Raising my hand* because I promise, I’m right there with you.
The reality of it all is the amount of pressure there is to be the perfect mom. The “Do’s” and “Don’ts” for us is so much weight on our shoulders. On top of that, there is a ton of advice that goes back and forth about how to be a good parent. That can be hard to navigate.
After reading this, my goal if for your outlook to change even the slightest about how much you do and how everything you are doing shows how good of a mother you are.
All the “what ifs” as a mom make us question ourselves more than we should, but we all have one thing in common. We sit here at the end of a long day, crumbs on the floor, hair in a messy bun, with the same pajamas we had on yesterday – luckily with no stains on it from the chaos that ensued today – and do you know what every mom worries about? We worry about what we could have done better. What mistakes we made. How our mistakes may affect our children and everything we can change going forward. That guilt of not getting it right is heavy.
My mother always tells me, and it continues to ring true – “A good mother always worries if she is being a good mother”.
You are a good mom. I hope there is someone in your life who consistently reminds you. If not, you can read this post as much as you want, but you deserve to hear that every single day.
We often lose ourselves in being the perfect mother and it can sometimes consume our entire identity. We must remember to take care of ourselves. You should pour into yourself and do things that make you happy. It can be so fulfilling to do the things you used to do before children.
Go on that weekend trip…
Paint ceramics…
Buy a new plant…
Enjoy your favorite show once your babies go to sleep..
You are still a woman who needs love, especially from yourself!
That laundry, those dishes, and all the toys scattered throughout the house will still be there. Your mental health is important. You cannot pour into others with an empty cup.
You are also a human. A constantly growing, learning, changing, and adapting human being.
We are raising strong-willed, outspoken, kind, well mannered, and emotionally intelligent children. Wouldn’t it be a lesson to them if they saw us make mistakes as well and learn from how we handle all the feelings that come with it?
Don’t listen to the outside judgement or the sometimes that little voice in your head. We are usually our harshest critics, but we can learn to remind ourselves of the positives.
So, your child did not eat a full meal today and only snacked?
— Your child ate and that is what is important.
So, your child spent a little extra time with their grandparents today, so you could do something for yourself?
— That is okay! You are important too.
Our children are forgiving, they learn it from us. We are their safe place and only a good mother can be that for them. Your best is all they want, even on the days we are unable to give them 100%, they will remember that moment you sat down and colored with them or when you hummed a song while you rocked them to sleep. They will remember the good parts of you and all the other parts are us just trying to get it right amidst the chaos. (Oh, how we wish that chaos was organized, right?)
All I know is to give myself the same grace that we give our children. It’s a hard thing to remember, but that should be your most important reminder.
Write it down on a post it note and put it on your bathroom mirror: “You are a good mom, give yourself grace.”
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Tell yourself over and over if you need to, but do not forget it.
Your children are clothed, fed, loved, protected, and cared for. You did that. You continue to do that. You show up for them every single day and THAT is a mother. YOU are that woman. The superhero, nurse, referee, chef, teacher, friend, parent, cheerleader, and adviser.
You ARE a great mother, and you are ENOUGH.
Sincerely,
Abigail Kelly CLC
(AKA: another mom desperately needing a solo trip to Target or hiding from my kid in the pantry occasionally
